The Bull's Head and the Queens Head, Chislehurst

If you've never heard of Chislehurst, it's basically the Hampstead of South London. If you've never heard of or been to Hampstead, it's a ludicrously expensive little alcove of North London, filled with "boutique" outlets, antique shops and other assorted nonsense frequented by the rich unemployed who have nothing to do but look at expensive tat all day. There's also a handful of pubs, all of which require you to have a credit check before buying a beer and handing over the deeds to your house before buying a gin and tonic. There was a Wetherspoons in Hampstead once for the more "unwashed" visitor but sadly it shut down.

Chislehurst doesn't feel as rich as Hampstead but it does have the gentle air of a place where money probably isn't an issue for most of its residents. There are a decent number of pubs in the area. I've only managed to visit three pubs so far, after reading on the internet on what would be the best bet for a pint of decent ale. I'm not one for spontaneity. Just ask anybody who has had to visit a theme park with me, as every ride, meal and toilet break is planned to the last detail in what I like to call "regimented fun."

None of the pubs in Chislehurst feature in the CAMRA Good Beer Guide, and you'd have to venture to Bromley or Eltham before you would find a pub featured in its hallowed, yellow and slightly curled pages. The Guide can't be treated as a bible though and there are a few good pubs in the Chislehurst area. First up is the Imperial Arms. This pub has been recently refurbished with rather eclectic décor and furnishings. It looks like the landlord has gone on a mad shopping spree in the local antique shops. Upon entering the pub I was greeted by two hand-pumps. After getting over the shock of talking hand-pumps I plumped for a pint of Harveys Best Bitter which was in excellent condition and very drinkable.

The other ale on was Sharps Doom Bar, so the pub may not have had the best ale selection but it's better than no ale, or even worse, John Smiths on keg. The only other customers in the pub were a group of rowdy labourers, their colourful language rather at odds with the attempted classiness of the décor. A tasty dish of ham, egg and chips rounded off a very pleasant stay at this comfortable, reasonably priced pub.

They like their cars ugly in Chislehurst

A not so reasonably priced pub is the The Bulls Head, in the more villagey part of Chislehurst nestled amongst quaint little shops selling wares you'd never want or need but will pay a fortune for anyway. An imposing building, it comprises of two bars, a restaurant, event/conference room and even has seven hotel rooms. The two bars are completely different decor and atmosphere wise - the lounge bar is decked out with traditional wooden walls and red booths and stools, and seemed more popular with the older clientèle who just wanted to enjoy a quiet drink. I was immediately attracted to this slice of old world pubbery, but The Lovely Jemma, with her young and modern ways, wanted to drink in the up to date main pub instead, complete with its sofas and high chairs (for adults.)

A pint of Youngs Bitter went down nicely, although it was close to £4 a pint which is a bit cheeky for this neck of the woods. The clientèle was certainly more moneyed than the Imperial Arms more down to earth lot. Standing at the bar was my favourite pub customer, the moneyed loud American. Not used to the surroundings of a nice country pub he resorted to barking orders at the staff and loudly telling "hillarious" stories to his tipsy British hosts. Despite him getting more rowdy and sweary as the afternoon went on I did what any British pub goer should do and stoically ignored him. Overall this was a decent pub but the high prices put me off making this a regular haunt.

Haven't had a TLJ nails picture in a while.
Here's the Summer Lightning.

My final Chislehurst pub is the Queens Head. Chislehurst seems to like pubs with "Head" in the name, with the aforementioned Bulls Head and there's also a Tigers Head in the vicinity. Let's hope a landlord called Richard doesn't open a pub named after himself here. The Queens Head is a Ember Inn, so basically it's a slightly more upmarket Wetherspoons. There was a good selection of ales and all were in good nick. Hop Back Summer Lightning was a pleasure as always. This was followed by a pint of Butcombe Brewery Great Grey Owl which smelled a bit like old socks but was a rather nice attempt at an American Pale Ale, with all the citrusy goodness that comes with the territory. A massive plate of nachos covered in pulled pork went down a treat and rounded off an enjoyable day out in this pretty little village.

I've got a fair few updates coming along in the next few weeks, including a jaunt around Preston and a trip to Tap East in Stratford, so don't give up on this blog just yet! Cheers.

Chelsea Flower Show and The Antelope, Chelsea

As the grand old age of 32 edges ever closer towards to me, I have recently started to dabble into more mature activities, as I start to slow down and enjoy the finer things in life. It's for this reason that I recently visited the RHS Chelsea Flower Show for the first time. I figured I could see some fantastic flowers and gardens and learn more about the wonder of nature, as well as chugging down as much champagne and Pimms as I could get into me without vomiting up into some poor sods gold medal roses display.

The quaffing of champers and Pimms was pretty much what every other gentleman was doing at the show, while also desperately convincing mature, wealthy old ladies that they know something about flowers and botany and other fruity stuff. However the crucial difference between them and me was that they were old and rich while I am young and although doing alight for money I am a bit tight. With champagne at £12 a glass and Pimms at £6 a go, in the end I eventually just went for a half of Wells Bombardier at an eye watering £2.20. Adding to the depression of the high price was that the beer was served from keg into a plastic cup. Then again even the champagne was served in plastic cups, presumably to stop disgruntled punters outraged at the prices from going mad, smashing the glass and cutting up the staff. Or, more likely, to stop them cutting up the flowers.

To be fair the Bombardier was OK, but anything would have tested refreshing after all the walking I had done that day - although I probably would have drawn the line at a Fosters. My companion and I were flagging after four hours of the show, while elderly guests fuelled by booze were outpacing us with ease. Hopefully one day I'll earn enough to drink my way throughout the entire show.

Despite the extraordinarily high prices for booze and food the flower show was a very pleasant experience. The gardens were pretty impressive, so impressive that I even remembered to take photos, reproduced throughout this blog post for your viewing pleasure. If you can't see any photos it's probably because the Royal Horticultural Society have asked me to take them all down. I wasn't a huge fan of the Australian garden which won the top prize, with my favourite garden being one done by the Alzheimer's Society. Well I think it was them as far as I can recall. Of course it being my favourite I completely forgot to take a photo of it.

But you don't read this blog to learn about my adventures looking at flowers. And if you do then I apologise for the lack of flower related activity in any of my previous posts you loon. I had arranged to meet up with my friend a couple of hours before visiting the show and being in Chelsea I was terrified were we would end up going for a drink. I had resigned myself to having to go to a boozer filled with braying moneyed chaps, dolled up yum mums and horrific music. The only comforting thought was that as it wasn't half term I wouldn't have to deal with dreadful parents who use pubs as a glorified crèche.

Luckily my fears were unfounded and we ended at a pleasant little boozer near Sloane Square called The Antelope. Featured in the Good Beer Guide, this small hostelry offers a decent Fullers range. I opted for the Gales Spring Sprinter, a pleasant light ale which was in excellent condition. The pub is divided into cosy nooks and crannies with a central semi circular bar. The prices were expensive but not eye watering for the area, and the atmosphere was genteel enough for a Wednesday lunchtime. The food menu had a selection of tasty dishes and the chips I stole from my companions plate were pretty good. But food always taste better when it has been swiped from another's plate. Probably best to make sure you know the person you're stealing food from though. Overall this pub is a handy spot if you're trapped in the area and fancy a pint.

With summer approaching I'm hoping to visit more pubs over the coming months and actually have some content for my blog. I appreciate your patience as you wait for the next thrilling instalment.. Ta-ra for now!

Park Tavern and Bankers Draft, Eltham

I've now been in South East London near the Eltham area for three months. Living down here has its advantages - it's affordable, fairly safe and it's near the M25 for a quick escape. There is one glaring problem though - a lack of decent pubs. Most of the pubs in the area aren't particularly appealing, with the "eclectic" customers mainly sticking to lager or Blue WKD, from what I can tell when I hurriedly walk past the pubs desperately trying to avoid eye contact. Sometimes they're drinking both, resulting in them leaning against a lamppost puking up liquid that's the colour of every Skittle mixed together. As a skinny, white, and slightly snobbish gentleman of 31 years old, I don't really want to drink in these places in fear of my face being punched or glassed in.

However there is one nugget I've found in this sea of crap. One pub trying to turn the tide of sub-par pubs in Eltham is the Park Tavern. This little boozer just off the high street is a welcome respite from the grim lager dispensing pubs/cattle markets, including the Old Post Office just across the road. Walking into this small, narrow pub I was warmed with the sight of several handpumps with a selection of tasty ales on offer. This is such a rare sight in Eltham that for a second I thought I had actually been glassed to death by one of the patrons of the Old Post Office and I was having a delirious hallucination while doctors frantically tried to save my life. I soon realised I was in fact still alive and firmly in reality when I was charged £3.75 for a pint of Rudgate Ruby Mild. There is no way I would charge myself that much for a pint in my dreams. The pint was very tasty though, in good condition and the subtle chocolate and mocha flavours coming through well.

Despite all the good things the Park Tavern had going for it, including a warm buzzy atmosphere, friendly staff and a very well kept pint of mild, I just found the prices to be too much for a pleasant local. I haven't returned since my first visit because if I'm going to pay high prices for beer I may as well do it in one of the many pubs in Central London after work, which offer a more exciting selection, rather than in the wilds of South East London. It's just too high a price to tempt me out for a couple of pints.

After my one and only visit to the Park Tavern I thought I may as well stop by the nearby Wetherspoons in Eltham before heading home. The Bankers Draft is tiny for a Wetherspoons, in fact it is rumoured to be their smallest outlet. A decent selection of ales were on offer and I went for the St Davids Ale from Brains. The beer was in OK nick, and it was stunningly cheap compared to the Park Tavern. But this is a odd Wetherspoons with many a "character" to be spotted. Despite the pub being very small, everybody was keeping to themselves and there wasn't much mixing amongst the clientèle. To be honest I felt this was a blessing and me and The Lovely Jemma were able to enjoy our drinks in relative peace without having to strike conversation with what appeared to be the local crazies.

Apart from these two pubs I haven't found anything nearby worth drinking. In fact since I moved to the area in February two pubs have closed down and one was nearly bought out by a local developer. Somebody please come to the Mottingham/Eltham borders and build a nice, welcoming pub with a decent selection of ales. You'll be guaranteed at least one customer! I'll probably stop by as well.