Then and now - Farringdon and Covent Garden pubs

It's always fun revisiting a pub I haven't been to in a while because most pubs go through plenty of changes in their lifetime and at some places the experience can change every few months. This past Friday I had the pleasure of revisiting some pubs in London on a mini pub crawl with some good friends of mine. As I hadn't been to these pubs in a while I thought it would be fun to revisit my original thoughts and see if much has changed.

Craft Beer Co Leather Lane

Then: A well known mecca for ale lovers with a absolutely ridiculous price for pork pies.

Now: Every time I walk past the Craft on a Friday evening it's just so ridiculously busy. This is not just a mecca for ale lovers, it now appears to be a mecca for every office worker in the Farringdon area. This small pub gets uncomfortably busy as the large bar and bench seating down the side take up a fair amount of space, leaving not much room for customers. There is an upstairs but tables up there can be reserved so it's pretty much impossible to get a seat. Walking in the crowd were three or four deep waiting at the bar. It felt very claustrophobic.

But with such a fine selection of ales on offer I'll put up with the small space and risk of having a panic attack. Ales from stalwarts Dark Star, Thornbridge and Marble were on offer, and plenty other breweries were represented on cask and keg. A Thornbridge Christmas Ale was a solid take on the rather hoary Christmas Ale formula, a tasty red ale with a subtle spicy undertone. Marble Lagonda was a excellent example of a pale ale. The Marble guys know how to create a good brew. The pork pies remain stupidly expensive.

Verdict: Still awesome but visit during the week and eat food beforehand.

Ye Olde Mitre

Then: A charming little pub although the pint I had tasted a bit like coal. 

Now: I have been to this pub a couple of times since that blog post and I can't really say it's charming any more. Mainly because how much of a sausage fest this place is. Sure you get the occasional confused lady who has been dragged along by their beer loving partner, or the nervous looking secretary who has been forced to visit with their sweaty "hands on" boss, but mainly this place is filled with blokes. The beer was in good condition, my pint of Dark Star Original being a comforting, if workmanlike brown bitter. However with the pub over run with braying men the atmosphere is a little bland. We didn't stay long before moving on.

Verdict: Lovely beer but atmosphere is a bit sweaty

Holborn Whippet

Then: Beers are served from a wall that bleeds ale and a sterile atmosphere where I couldn't get comfortable.

Now: I wasn't too impressed by the Whippet last time but a revisit made me warm to the place. I still find the wall in the middle that bleeds beer a bit odd. I opted for a half of Arbor Oyster Stout which was in excellent form. My friends went for a Lagunitas IPA which sadly wasn't in the best of form and seemed to be end of the barrel. Maybe that's why it was a fiver a pint which is actually pretty cheap for a pint of this trendy American IPA. Like the Craft Beer Co the Whippet seems to be incredibly busy every time I walk past it and this Friday night was no exception. The staff were friendly and on the ball, and the atmosphere was jovial. A pleasant place for a drink and I'd be happy to go back.

Verdict: Liked it a whole lot more this time.

The Cross Keys

Then: Likeable, slightly sleazy pub with plenty of tat hanging from the ceiling. Boisterous atmosphere.

Now: This Brodies pub continues to amuse me. It just seems so jarringly out of place in trendy Covent Garden. It feels like a locals pub from the 80's with the copper pans and other assorted antique tat hanging from the ceiling and the deep red lighting. It's shabby and doesn't even pretend to be modern or relevant. The beer was good and I enjoyed a pint of Brodie's malty, comforting Mild. This place continues to attract a "boisterous" (e.g. pissed) crowd, and we eventually left after a group of gents clad in lederhosen got a bit too loud for their own good.

Verdict: Great beer, nice room, dodgy customers

The Harp

Then: "An ale oasis in a area filled with expensive, soulless bars packed to the rafters with confused tourists and twats"

The Harp remains a text book example of how to run an excellent boozer in Central London. Its location next to the very busy Charing Cross station means this pub is always packed but the superb staff make sure you get served as quickly as possible. I've got served here quicker when it's rammed than at other sleepy pubs where the staff are so dozy you end up waiting 10 minutes for a drink when there's only two patrons at the bar, and one of them is the pub dog.

This visit to The Harp didn't disappoint and I was supping a Dark Star American Pale Ale within seconds of arriving. The beer was a top notch hoppy treat. The Harp was a fine place to end this very pleasurable pub crawl.

The Spreadeagle, Croydon and a return to the General Wolfe

Croydon must have seemed amazing to visitors back in the 60's. I can imagine visitors being enthralled as they drove their Ford Cortina down a sweeping dual carriageway buffered by soaring multi storey buildings. There's even an underpass in case tall buildings scare you. It would have been a shining beacon to the adversity of Britain, that a shimmering new town can rise from the rubble of bombed out ruins. I'm probably romanticising it a bit but I like to think Croydon was exciting once. Sadly nowadays it's pretty grim, the buildings ageing and imposing, the roads unable to cope with the 21st century levels of traffic, and the people ready to stab you at a moments notice. However Croydon does have a Waitrose and an artisan bakery has recently sprung up, so maybe things are looking up.

Nestled in the rather grubby town centre, across the road from the cultural delights of Tiger Tiger and the 80's Reflex bar, is The Spread Eagle. A large Fullers Ale & Pie house it is a welcoming, cosy oasis in the wilds of Croydon. It boasts an impressive interior, with two large chandeliers above the bar and a sweeping staircase to one side. The place was busy but me and The Lovely Jemma managed to grab a seat on some sofa's in the corner. The long bar serves the standard Fullers ale range, and although a guest beer from the local Cronx brewery was advertised on a blackboard behind the bar, it appears it was off as there was no mention of it on the handpulls.

I never find the Fullers range very exciting. I usually resort to getting a Chiswick or a ESB depending on how pissed I'm willing to get, but with neither on offer I started with a HSB from Gale's. This ended up being a good choice of pint for a chilly Autumn's day. Dark in colour with a rich, fruity taste, it was in perfect condition and went down a treat. I then opted for a half of the Fuller's seasonal Black Cab Stout. This was a perfectly pleasant stout with the coffee and toffee flavours present and correct, but it seemed to play it safe taste wise. Nothing too strong or threatening, it was almost like a stout for beginners. If you're ever unfortunate to be in Croydon and want a drink I can definitely recommend this place. Good beer, good atmosphere and also less chance of bumping into the unsavoury characters you get in the The George down the road.

The General Wolfe in Westerham is a pub I have blogged about previously. Since that last post, the place has been taken over by a new landlord, has had a refurb and has lost its place in the Good Beer Guide. I made a return visit last weekend to see how the place was post-refurbishment. Walking in it was initially hard to tell the difference the refurb had made. The layout is pretty much the same and the general decor hasn't changed much. But the furniture has been replaced and is looking much fresher, and the bar appears to have been extended, with the number of handpumps increased from three to five.

The beer selection was never very exotic pre-refurb but the ale was always in good condition. Now with an expanded range I'm pleased to say the beer is still in good nick. I tried the house beer, General Wolfe from Greene King. I suspect this is a re-badged beer, I initially thought maybe Old Speckled Hen, although it was only 3.9%. It was pretty good, a full bodied bitter with a fruity hoppy finish. I also tried a half of the guest beer, Brewers Gold from Whistable Brewery, which wasn't as good but was still pleasant with gentle light bitter notes. A food menu was available but I didn't see anybody eating, even on a busy Saturday afternoon. It looks like the regulars come here for a pint rather than a bite to eat.

With the decent beer and polite, prompt service this pub was looking like a winner. But unfortunately the atmosphere was a bit like having a pint in a retirement home. Me and The Lovely Jemma were the youngest people there by a long, long way. It was all very cosy but I started feeling a bit uncomfortable and we had to leave after a couple of halves as we just felt out of place there. It was the first pub I'd been to in a long time where the clientèle was exclusively oldies. Maybe at other times the pub has more mix in the customer age group.

That's it for now. See you next Sunday!

Chelsea Flower Show and The Antelope, Chelsea

As the grand old age of 32 edges ever closer towards to me, I have recently started to dabble into more mature activities, as I start to slow down and enjoy the finer things in life. It's for this reason that I recently visited the RHS Chelsea Flower Show for the first time. I figured I could see some fantastic flowers and gardens and learn more about the wonder of nature, as well as chugging down as much champagne and Pimms as I could get into me without vomiting up into some poor sods gold medal roses display.

The quaffing of champers and Pimms was pretty much what every other gentleman was doing at the show, while also desperately convincing mature, wealthy old ladies that they know something about flowers and botany and other fruity stuff. However the crucial difference between them and me was that they were old and rich while I am young and although doing alight for money I am a bit tight. With champagne at £12 a glass and Pimms at £6 a go, in the end I eventually just went for a half of Wells Bombardier at an eye watering £2.20. Adding to the depression of the high price was that the beer was served from keg into a plastic cup. Then again even the champagne was served in plastic cups, presumably to stop disgruntled punters outraged at the prices from going mad, smashing the glass and cutting up the staff. Or, more likely, to stop them cutting up the flowers.

To be fair the Bombardier was OK, but anything would have tested refreshing after all the walking I had done that day - although I probably would have drawn the line at a Fosters. My companion and I were flagging after four hours of the show, while elderly guests fuelled by booze were outpacing us with ease. Hopefully one day I'll earn enough to drink my way throughout the entire show.

Despite the extraordinarily high prices for booze and food the flower show was a very pleasant experience. The gardens were pretty impressive, so impressive that I even remembered to take photos, reproduced throughout this blog post for your viewing pleasure. If you can't see any photos it's probably because the Royal Horticultural Society have asked me to take them all down. I wasn't a huge fan of the Australian garden which won the top prize, with my favourite garden being one done by the Alzheimer's Society. Well I think it was them as far as I can recall. Of course it being my favourite I completely forgot to take a photo of it.

But you don't read this blog to learn about my adventures looking at flowers. And if you do then I apologise for the lack of flower related activity in any of my previous posts you loon. I had arranged to meet up with my friend a couple of hours before visiting the show and being in Chelsea I was terrified were we would end up going for a drink. I had resigned myself to having to go to a boozer filled with braying moneyed chaps, dolled up yum mums and horrific music. The only comforting thought was that as it wasn't half term I wouldn't have to deal with dreadful parents who use pubs as a glorified crèche.

Luckily my fears were unfounded and we ended at a pleasant little boozer near Sloane Square called The Antelope. Featured in the Good Beer Guide, this small hostelry offers a decent Fullers range. I opted for the Gales Spring Sprinter, a pleasant light ale which was in excellent condition. The pub is divided into cosy nooks and crannies with a central semi circular bar. The prices were expensive but not eye watering for the area, and the atmosphere was genteel enough for a Wednesday lunchtime. The food menu had a selection of tasty dishes and the chips I stole from my companions plate were pretty good. But food always taste better when it has been swiped from another's plate. Probably best to make sure you know the person you're stealing food from though. Overall this pub is a handy spot if you're trapped in the area and fancy a pint.

With summer approaching I'm hoping to visit more pubs over the coming months and actually have some content for my blog. I appreciate your patience as you wait for the next thrilling instalment.. Ta-ra for now!

Merry Christmas

First of all, I'd like to wish a very Merry Christmas to my reader. This is going to be a brief update as not a lot has happened ale wise in the last few weeks. Unfortunately my life is not a thrilling journey where I'm up to my eyeballs in tasty ales while visiting every pub in London. In fact I've only been to the pub about three times this month, which is a travesty. Even worse is that The Lovely Jemma is trying to convince me to not drink any alcohol at all in January. What better way to get through the most miserable month of the year then by going through it stone cold sober? Luckily the doctor on this page suggests that giving up alcohol for a month is "medically futile" so hopefully I'll be able to escape from this crazy wheeze.

As it's the festive season the pubs are putting on the Christmas ales, and I've only managed to try a couple so far. Thwaites Good 'Elf is one I sampled recently, and it was really rather good. The aroma can only be described as Christmas, with a lovely spiced scent. It was like holding a liquid Christmas pudding. The taste was very Christmassy as well, the spices not overpowering the bitter hops. Very good indeed. The second festive ale I got my lips round is Fullers Jack Frost, which was nothing special to be honest. It just tasted like a slightly spiced London Pride. Must try harder Fullers! I don't know why I'm saying this as I'm just a lowly beer blogger and I doubt Fullers give a damn about my opinion. To be honest I hardly care about my opinions. But this is a blog so I guess I should shove some ultimately useless opinions in there. 

The most notable thing about the Jack Frost was that I had to pay a eye watering £4.05 for a pint. Granted this was in The Hereford Arms in leafy Gloucester Road, an area which is trying to be as posh as nearby South Kensington. The pub was completely unremarkable except for the fact that everything was expensive. Had the ale been a bit cheaper I might have enjoyed my pint a bit more, and maybe bought one extra. Surely pubs that charge such high amounts for a pint are missing out from extra income from the "just one more" crowd? Nobody is going to get a cheeky one in at the end of the night at those prices.

Well I did warn you this was going to be a brief one. Christmas is never a good time of year to do anything productive. And if I do end up giving up alcohol for January my next update may be even briefer. If I don't see you beforehand, have a good one!

Counting House, City of London and Red Lion, Bromley

I'm not a huge fan of drinking in London's Square Mile. For readers not familiar, the Square Mile is the financial centre of London, where greed driven looneys come together to wear seizure inducing stripy suits and piss away other peoples money. The last time I went for a drink in a bar near Moorgate, they had the cheek to charge £5 for a pint of Peroni, and £4 for a pint of so-so Doom Bar. I was surrounded by braying gents who had a better relationship with their Blackberry than the colleagues around them. What did people do in awkward social situations before smartphones came along? All across London bars are filled with co-workers desperately eeking out small talk before eventually giving up and retreating to the comforting glow of their iPhone screen. Did co-workers just use to stand around looking so awkward that one of them would eventually expire, giving the others something to talk about?

If you look hard enough you will find some pubs in the square mile that aren't filled with punters with more money than they know what to do with paying ludicrous amounts of money for swill and piss (or San Miguel to use its trading name.) The Counting House near Bank station is one of them. This is a large two floor and rather grandiose Fullers pub which used to be a branch of Natwest. It's an impressive space with an imposing domed roof. Rammed with the more down to earth city workers it has a good pubby atmosphere. Ale wise the large bar serves the full Fullers selection and not much else, I couldn't see any guest ales. I went for a couple of pints of Chiswick, a solid best bitter which always manages to hit the spot, thanks to its subtle fruity flavour which flourishes in the finish.

The striking interior of the Counting House. Photo from the Fullers website. I could never
take a photo this good.

As an Ale and Pie house I thought I may as well have a pie, and I tried the house pie which was very good and packed full of steak with a good portion of mash. Although the large space and high ceiling makes for a noisy pub, there's no blaring music which makes it fine to hold a conversation. The noise level is high enough that you don't have to listen to the absolute nonsense the suited and booted clan are no doubt wittering on about as they slowly bankrupt our country into the ground. There are a coupler of quiet nooks and crannies as well, especially on the upper level.

I have been house hunting the past few months. House hunting would be a great experience if it didn't involve estate agents. It amazes me just how much of a chancer occupation being an estate agent is. There is no qualification or entry requirement for being one, these people are just winging it and pulling selling prices for a pile of second hand bricks out of thin air. It's getting depressing on how many unkempt, unloved houses which are supposedly a "the perfect first time buyer home" I've viewed, where the agent has convinced the poor seller that the hole they're living in is worth a grossly overestimated sum of money. Anything in reasonable condition and sensibly priced is off the market in a matter of days. I know I'm not saying anything new but it is depressing trying to buy a house in London.

Me and the Lovely Jemma viewed a house in Bromley North. I knew we'd never buy the place as it was the size of a postage stamp, but I really like the area. The fact that there are four good quality pubs and a Chinese takeaway had no influence on this decision at all. When we viewed the house I could barely fit inside. I felt like I was Alice in Wonderland and I'd taken a bite of the "Eat Me" cake. My head was touching the ceiling in all the rooms upstairs. It was a glorified dolls house. We didn't make an offer but it apparently sold. I've no idea if it went for the asking price of £220,000 but I've got a horrible feeling it wasn't far off.

No picture of the Red Lion so here's a picture of
"Spongebob  Squarepants" which
The Lovely Jemma put together at
Blackpool Pleasure Beach.

Out of the four pubs the Red Lion is probably the best. This is a friendly little boozer which is always a pleasure to visit. Although small it's got a good bit of character, with a large bookshelf against one wall bursting with books. The landlord knows how to keep an ale and I enjoyed a delicious pint of Caledonian Flying Scotsman. This was a pretty good specimen of a best bitter with a hearty hoppy flavour. The pub has won CAMRA awards in the past and it deserves them. A good place to stop by if you're in the area.

You may have noticed I've been reliable about what drinks I had at each pub. That's thanks to "Untappd" which I've recently downloaded for my Android phone. It allows you to record what you've drunk, where you had it, and see what other people thought of the ale. Well worth downloading!

Farringdon walkabout

Now that I'm working in the Farringdon area it would be rude not to visit the pubs nearby for research purposes. There are certainly worse areas to be in for an after work drink. Indeed there is a pub located practically across the road from our new offices, The Blue Lion. A former tied house this is now a indepenedent pub with a decent rotating selection of four ales. Sadly the frontage does not include a picture of a lion looking a bit depressed. Despite having a large bar there only ever seems to be two bored staff members pouring pints and glasses of Pinot Grigio for the ITN journos who work nearby. The beerintheevening review promises a goth barmaid with mammaries of appreciable size but sadly she must have left because I've never seen her - believe me I've kept a lookout. The place gets very busy on Thursdays and Fridays and frankly the staff can't cope but it's a nice enough place to pop into if it's not too manic. The ale is well kept and there's usually something pleasant to try.

Next up is The Gunmakers, a quaint little pub tucked in the arse end of nowhere. Nearby are grimy warehouses, some kind of grotty factory, and worst of all, the Ben Sherman headquarters. Inside however this is a welcoming little pub. I've only visited once so far and unfortunately it was during a Tyneside beer festival. I say unfortunately because every Geordie beer I tried had the taste of what I imagine water gathered from a freshly wet and muddy dog would taste like. The Geordie Pride from the Mordue Brewery was the best of a bad bunch and it still wasn't great, with a rather weak hoppy taste. The pub itself is a pleasure to drink in though, even if the beer was not great, with a conservatory in the back that had a friendly beer tent feel to it. I'm looking forward to returning when they aren't selling beer from our Geordie friends.

On Leather Lane is the Craft Beer Co, a well known mecca for ale lovers, with a tremendous selection of booze. Countless handpumps deliver well kept ale and a mind boggling selection of largers. On my last visit I was greeted with the pleasent sight of five Thornbridge ales on handpull, and a splendid pint of Crux went down very well indeed. Reminiscent of Kipling but with the tropical fruit juice flavours toned down a bit, I actually enjoyed this more than Kipling. A great pint. The only downside of Craft is that they choose to charge £5 for half a slice of pork pie. This is absolutely ridiculous. For that kind of money I would expect a pork pie made from REAL GOLD although I imagine that would be disgusting. The pork pie they do serve is inevitably delicious but the high cost does sour the taste.

Ye Olde Mitre is a charming little pub tucked down the most easy to miss side alley in London. A Fullers pub they usually have the full range on plus a couple of guests. I had a pint of Ilkley Black which sadly tasted a bit like coal but I don't think this was the fault of the pub. A taste of Fullers new Wild River went down well, a pleasently hopped summer ale, using American hops. It's a good attempt. The pub is small although you may be able to find a seat in the cosy upstairs room. The opening hours seem to be erratic, as being in Farringdon everybody leaves at around 9pm so don't be surprised if they've called last orders at 10pm. Pork pies are a much more reasonable £1.80 or so although they do appear to have been purchased from the nearby Sainsburys.

The One Tun is a strange beast. It feels like it should be a council estate pub but instead it's slap bag in the centre of London next to an incredibly busy train station.. It's got a lot of things I don't really like in pubs - TV's everywhere, sound deck and disco ball, Thai food and a snow machine(?!) But the ale selection is good and the beer well kept, and it has a weird feel of community spirit even though it's full of office workers. It was certainly a fun place to watch 22 men flail about on a grassy field for 90 minutes while desperately trying to kick a ball into the back of a net. I like the place but I can imagine it's a bit of an aquired taste.

I'm not going to say much about the Sir John Oldcastle except to say it's pretty much your bog standard 'Spoons and my lamb rogan josh was fine.

There are plenty of other places I need to visit in the area including the Jerusalem Tavern. A 10-15 minute walk away is the Holborn Whippet which I've been hearing great things about. There also seems to be a lot of places I need to avoid as well judging by the braying suits on their Blackberries standing outside. I shall no doubt keep you updated on any further pubs I visit!

The Parcel Yard - Kings Cross

The Parcel Yard is a new Fullers venture which has opened in the brand new annex to Kings Cross station. Part of the rengeration of Kings Cross (which has been ongoing for over forty years now) the new annex looks like a UFO that has crashed into the side of the unassuming main building. Inside it looks like a giant metallic tree has burst through the ground and enveloped the concourse. It reminded me of the British Museum but instead of being filled with mummies and rare artifacts it's got drunk geordies and a Smiths. Sadly the shops and eateries inside aren't nearly as exciting as the architecture. Apart from the excellent Benioto's Hat which serves great burritos it's the usual (boring) suspects. If there's one thing Kings Cross needed is another bloody Pret A Manger. Thankfully this branch doesn't play the irritatingly twee "jazz" that some Prets play while you're trying to shove a £4.50 baguette down your gullet.

Distressingly Pret have started putting the calorie count of their food displayed on the label, a trend other fast food places have been following. This makes getting lunch a bizzare numbers game, where you desperately try and stay under the fabled score of 2500 calories, or 2000 if you're blessed with breasts. I now have to carefully calculate the calorie score in my head, just in case I do go over the magic score and turn into an obese, wheezing ball of fat which the Government is convinced we're all going to become if we don't follow their strict lifestyle advice. While the MP's continue to enjoy cheap booze in the House of Commons pub and take countess lunches with clients and "dignitaries."

An actual, genuine photo taken by myself.  A rarity on this blog. Here's the
good looking new annex at Kings Cross.

But I digress. At the back of the new annex is the Parcel Yard. From the outside it looks nothing special, with a staircase leading up to the main pub. Inside is a different story. This place is gigantic, sprawled over two floors with new nooks and crannies to discover at every corner. In the middle is an appealing atrium style space, covered by a high and lovely glass ceiling. Exposed ducts and wiring mix well with the classic Victorian architecture. This is a good looking pub and even though it is gigantic it was packed to the rafters. How long the place stays packed after the initial excitement dies down remains to be seen.

Despite the pleasent decor the ale selection was nothing special with the standard Fullers selection available and space for a couple of guests. Sadly a lot of the ales were off when I visited on its third day of operation and only Chiswick, HSB and London Pride were on offer. Chiswick is essentially brown water and London Pride is pretty dull so I opted for a couple of pints of the HSB. It was in good condition, the pleasant dark bitter taste coming through. Service was fine but the prices are expensive, around £3.80 for a pint of HSB which is very steep. This was the day after the budget so maybe that crafty Mr Osbourne had already worked his wallet emptying magic. The pub had also committed the cardinal sin of running out of crisps. All flavours, even the hated prawn cocktail! I had never seen this in a pub before. In fact I thought a pub without crisps would be like the Tower of London without ravens - it would just crumble to the ground.

The many seating areas all had their charms and we sat in a area that was clearly former offices. It was a comfortable and pleasent environment, and it was easy to forget you were sitting in a train station pub as long as you don't look out the windows overlooking the trains and platforms and other objects that would remind you that you're in a train station pub.

I had an enjoyable visit but the high prices won't entice me to return often, especially with the Euston Tap and Doric Arch offering a better selection with lower prices just down the road. With a captive audience of thirsty commuters and Geordies filing through Kings Cross everyday this is never going to try and attract a loyal crowd but the bonkers prices makes me wish, dare I say it, that Wetherspoons had a stab at the place instead.

Bengal Lancer and Walt Disney World

One day I'll invest in a decent camera

Bengal Lancer is a relatively new India Pale Ale brewed by Fullers. I've had the cask version a few times and have always enjoyed its distinctive, rather understated hoppy taste. It's quite a fine example of a IPA although at 5% you have to be careful with it. I recently enjoyed the bottled version for the first time. It's brewed slightly stronger at 5.3% although the flavour remains unchanged. The subtle hops are there and there's a rather pleasant if faint spiciness to the finish. A fine ale and well worth a tipple in both cask and bottle form.

One thing Bengal Lancer has going for it is a pretty cool name. As I'm a little bit pathetic I sometimes like to think up names for ale, especially if it involves a really terrible pun. I must warn you now that I'm going to go into a long, slightly pointless story. I can't promise you'll get any worth out of it. But you may as well read on as I doubt you have anything better to do.

Hooray for Disney!
Faces blurred to protect the innocent.

The best ale name I ever thought up was at the Epcot theme park in Walt Disney World. At the back of Epcot Disney have faithfully recreated eleven countries of the world. They're really just oversize, three dimensional tourist brochures to get confused Americans to visit each country for real, but they are fun. My favourite area is the cafe in the Moroccan pavilion. Forget Space Mountain or the Tower of Terror, there's nothing more entertaining than watching confused Americans work out how to pronounce “schwarma” and then work out what the hell a “sch-a-mar” is. Most of them give up and end up going to the French or German pavilion next door. Disney should just admit defeat and call it "Slicey spicy meats in sauce" to avoid the hassle.

To be fair although Americans get a bad rap for not knowing about anything outside their own country or even their own state, world ignorance is rife in the UK as well. I was once at the top of the Blackpool Tower. Behind me I heard a lady explain to her hubby how it looked a bit like the Eiffel Tower. He responded in that blissfully ignorant way that only stupid people can pull off “Eiffel Tower, that in Blackpool?” Sadly the police didn't immediately show up, say “I'm sorry” and then euthanise the poor bugger for the good of the country. All I could do was shake my head and tut slightly, safe in the knowledge that the Eifell Tower is actually in Paris, Las Vegas.

Getting back to the original subject of my greatest ever ale name, every country in the World Showcase has a bar serving the local brews. Sadly I couldn't indulge as I was driving. It was however amusing watching downtrodden parents deal with the problem of being sunburnt, harassed and on the edge of bankruptcy by getting absolutely rat arsed. As I got to the China pavilion the best ale name I had ever thought up was born. I figured that if Disney ever imported a ruby red beer brewed in China, they could call it Mulan Rouge.

There you go. Three paragraphs to get to probably the worst pun you've ever read. I apologise profusely and can promise you the next entry will actually be informative and possibly even humorous. It's all about the Derbyshire Ale Festival at The Bricklayers Arms so please do read it when I actually get round to typing it up and putting it online! Thanks.