The Old Jail, Westerham

The Lovely Jemma's parents live in leafy Biggin Hill, right on the border of London and Kent. When visiting we often take a walk around the surrounding countryside. Biggin Hill is in the London borough of Bromley but walking through the rolling fields it feels a million miles away from the big smog of the capital. There are plenty of pubs in the surrounding area for the thirsty rambler, including the Queens Head and the Aperfield Inn, both of which I've written about previously. Be careful when going into the Queen's Head though, as humble man of the people and millionaire city banker Nigel Farage lives in the area, and you may just find him in the pub necking 100 pints in one sitting or whatever down to earth activity the papers are portraying him doing.

When on our walks there is one pub we frequent more than others, mainly because it's just far enough to make the walk worthwhile but not long enough to get me whining like a little girl who has dropped her ice cream down a drain. The Old Jail is a Enterprise inn with a comfortable countryside feel inside, all low beams and old wooden furniture, and a sizeable beer garden outside. I think the reason I haven't written about this pub is that it's a bit, well, "vanilla." The ales are in good nick but the selection doesn't get any more exciting than Harvey's Best Bitter, and the food is good but I'm writing about pubs, not restaurants. It's certainly a nice place to stop if you happen to be in the area but it's not worth making a special journey for. However last week they held a beer festival which is just about noteworthy enough to write about, and quite frankly it's been a quiet week for blog content.

My heart sank a little when the beer list posted on their Facebook page included Doom Bar and Bombardier, but I also noticed there were a couple of local Westerham Brewery beers on which I hadn't tried before so I headed down. The festival setup was quite jolly, with a decent food tent and some arts and crafts stalls. After nosing around the stalls and buying some delicious home made salad dressing, I popped to the back of the garden, where the beers where being served in a hidden corner behind fencing. The beers seemed to be the shameful secret rather than the main event. The Westerham Brews were available so I tried their Bonfire and Hop Bomb. The Bonfire was very pleasant, a solid best bitter perfect for a slightly chilly autumn afternoon. The Hop Bomb was OK but it had a slight sourness to it which I didn't find appealing. I also tried a Sharps Special which despite my low expectations was actually pretty good, a strong bitter which would easily warm the soul on a long autumn night.

Despite the slight chill the sunshine was out and we enjoyed hog roast sandwiches along with the beer. There was a good turn out and hopefully it will encourage the Jail to do more beer fests in the future as it was pretty good overall. It always pleases me to see pubs doing these community days, and if some local traders and breweries get some business out of it all the better. Cheers.

Sevenoaks boozers (and Chelsfield)

Sevenoaks is only a twenty minute train ride away from my house, and having never been there I thought I'd pay a visit. One of the great things about living in South East London is how the scenery can change from built up areas to rolling green fields in a matter of minutes, and this train journey was no exception as the dreary suburbia of Orpington gave way to the charming natural scenery of Chelsfield and beyond.

The first pub I visited was in Chelsfield Village, nestled in-between Sevenoaks and Orpington. The surprisingly long walk from Chelsfield station to the village was mainly comprised of lovely green fields high above Orpington and a panoramic if hazy view of London beyond. Approaching the village I was greeted by some huge houses, a clear indication that this is stockbroker territory, using the trains to speed into Cannon Street station in the mornings. To be honest I felt a little out of place and was worried a policeman might appear and ask me politely to leave, nodding down the road saying "Orpington is down that way, it's more for your type."

Nestled among the mansions and across the road from the village school is The Five Bells, a traditional weather board pub. Sadly the beer selection wasn't as charming as the rustic interior. Unusually Doom Bar was on offer gravity dropped from a cask sitting on a bar, but it was not enough to entice me to have a pint of that most boring of beers. There was also Courage Best and a Everards beer on offer. I settled for a pint of Otter Bitter, and although it got the job done it was nothing exciting. This place seemed highly involved in the community with plenty of events on. As it was 11:45am on a Thursday morning I was the only customer in but the staff were friendly and there was a dog pottering around for company. I look forward to returning.

I walked from Chelsfield to Knockholt station to catch a train into Sevenoaks. Even though Knockholt is supposedly still "London," the rolling green fields and farmland are about as far removed from the Big Smoke as you can get. Walking towards the station I was joined by a grumpy old pig walking alongside with me, and it was at this point I refused to believe I was still in Travelcard Zone 6. The ticket office at Knockholt was closed so I had to purchase a "Permit to Travel," a rarely used (in London) "honour" scheme for buying tickets which made everything feel even more old fashioned and less London. When it was time for my train I half expected a steam train to roll into the platform.

I'm not entirely sure what he anchors

In Sevenoaks I met up with a friend of mine and we enjoyed a good lunch at The Black Boy, a Shepherd Neame nestled in the quaint town centre. The food was excellent but the beer selection left a little to be desired. Only Kent's Best, Spitfire and Whitstable Bay were on offer, and my pint of Best wasn't in the greatest condition. Round the corner is The Anchor, a real old fashioned boozer. Walking in after the lunchtime rush only a handful of regulars were in, and they were all crowded around the bar chatting with the lively landlord, Barry. I ordered a pint and took a seat, enjoying the banter. It's a good job there was lively conversation going on as the decor is pretty basic here and doesn't create much of an atmosphere. I completely forgot the name of the beer I was having but it was a pretty good bitter from a small local brewery. The only other options were Doom Bar and Harveys Best. Sevenoaks doesn't seem to be home to adventurous drinkers.

I took a half hour walk from the town centre down to the outskirts of town and The White Hart. This is a Brunning and Price pub, and I had high hopes as I was very impressed with their outlet in Chester, Old Hawkers Arms. Sadly I wasn't as impressed with the Hart. First impressions were good as there were plenty of hand-pulls but on closer inspection most of the beers that were on were of the boring brown bitter variety. The beer I did try, Growler Bitter from the Growler Brewery, wasn't in best condition and there was sediment at the end of the pint. I heard the barman complaining to another customer that they have been short staffed recently so maybe this was affecting the quality of the beer. The pub otherwise was tastefully decorated, quiet and to be honest a little boring, which probably explained why the other groups there were mainly comprised of older ladies.

The last pub on the list was The Chequers. Traditionally furnished, it was building up a steady stream of punters at 4pm on a Thursday afternoon, and they all seemed pretty pleased to be there. The beer selection was the most exciting of the pubs I'd visited, with plenty of local ales on offer. I tried Rustic from the Tonbridge brewery, a dark and comforting bitter with a well balanced flavour. Westerham Azzuri Double was a brave attempt at an Italian style beer. It tasted like a hoppy bitter but with malty undertones, it worked surprisingly well and was a very pleasant sup indeed. With the genial customers, friendly service and decent beers The Chequers was my favourite of the pubs I'd visited.

Next week it's a rundown of the pubs of Rochester. See you on Sunday!

Caterham Beer Festival

I'm not sure why I decided I should update my blog every Sunday. My life really isn't exciting enough to sustain a riveting, informative and witty blog post every week. I was at the point where I wouldn't have any content for today's update as absolutely nothing of note was happening in my life which was pub or beer related. I was starting to worry that I may have to do a post on what my definition of craft beer is, or complain about how evil pubcos are ruining the industry. Just as all hope seemed lost The Lovely Jemma's dad got in touch. He had won two wristbands to the Caterham Beer Festival but he couldn't go due to a previous engagement. Well I had no choice but to make use of the wristbands and I spent last Saturday afternoon sampling some tasty ales.

This was my first visit to Caterham and as I exited the train station I was disappointed by just how nondescript the town centre is. Most market towns seem to be working from the same identikit template these days, packed with the same stores and brands. However I did appreciate that Waitrose and Morrison's were across the street from each other so you could quickly tell a residents social standing in Caterham depending on which one they ventured in too.

The festival was taking place in Soper Hall, which was a very pleasant venue for a beer festival. There were two rooms serving around 40 ales plus a few ciders, and all the ones I tried were in good condition. Highlights included Black Cherry Mild from Kissingate Brewery, a delicious fruity and chocolate stout which hit the the perfect middle ground of sweetness and malt. Jarl from Fyne Ales was also on offer, and I enjoyed a half of this accomplished, crisp and hoppy ale which I think is deserving of the many awards it has won.

I remembered to take pictures! Here's Soper Hall

Things took a turn for the bizarre when me and The Lovely Jemma decided to venture out for some lunch. Although the beer festival had some interesting looking food options including a wood fire pizza van and another stall selling tapas, it was all outside and I didn't fancy standing out in the cold shoving food down my gullet. I consulted the mobile version of the Good Beer Guide and found a pub nearby that sold food. Using Google Maps we set forth. Google Maps is a great tool but I really wish it would warn you of any steep gradients when giving directions. We ended up walking up an incredibly steep hill and by the time we reached the top I was wheezing and sweating like a demented puffin.

Still at least there was food on the horizon and we walked into the pub, The King and Queen. Walking in I noticed a distinct lack of menus. No matter, we found a comfy table by the log fire and I went up to ask the barmaid for a food menu. "We don't do food any more" was the apologetic response. Apparently the landlord had recently changed and the new landlord doesn't have a license to serve food. By this point we were both ravenous so we rather shamefully left the pub having purchased nothing and went on a quest for food.

This is where things went a bit weird. We found a pub down the road called the Royal Oak, and a menu outside the pub proclaimed there was food, although oddly they claimed food was served in the Royal Oak "Cafe." We walked into the pub and this was a real locals pub/mortuary. As we walked in the customer chatter went a bit quieter and we got strange looks as we were under the age of 50. I ignored it and headed to the back of the pub where a cafe sign was displayed. As we headed into the back room we must have went through some kind of time travel portal as we appeared to be in a Northern greasy spoon caff from the 70's. Except it was in the back room of a pub. "It's like we're in Blackpool!" exclaimed TLJ as we took a seat. All the caff clichés were there - we got offered tea or coffee, served in big sturdy mugs, asked if we wanted a newspaper, the menu was made up of mostly pork products and chips, and we got offered bread and butter with our meals. It was as greasy spoon as you can get. But we were in a pub. Utterly bizarre but the server was very friendly and the food was pretty good. I really wish I took pictures of the place but I was worried if I got my camera out I may end up getting burned alive by the regulars due to using the devils tools. I didn't sample an ale, this didn't really seem the type of place to cater to real ale drinkers, but I did see a lonely Harveys handpump on the bar. In fact the landlord seems rather proud of their lager selection according to their Google page:

Landlord, Alan Lander, says that the pub prides itself on the quality of its beers and lagers.He said: "We are owned by Enterprise Inns which means we can serve a bigger range of beers and lagers. For example you would not normally expect to see both Carling and Fosters available under the same roof."

Lots of happy drinkers inside the hall.

Back at the beer festival, I was pleased to see that breweries from the South East area were well represented. I sampled Nektar from Cronx Brewery, a new startup based in Croydon who are starting to make a name for themselves. The ale was incredibly bitter, maybe too much, and I could start to feel my mouth turning in on itself. There were some sweet notes but this was a bit to much of a bitter thud for me. Still there was promise there and I look forward to trying more of their beers. The Westerham Brewery Double Stout was a more skilful, robust beer, but as they've been going for a lot longer than the Cronx boys maybe that isn't surprising. A rich, tasty stout, this was the perfect beer to have before heading home in the cold winter air.

Overall this was a well organised, friendly and very enjoyable beer festival. The only downside was that there was no seating area, but space was at a premium so I can understand that they wanted to pack in as many punters as possible. I look forward to going back next year. I may even pay for admission!

Westerham, General Wolfe and Kitchen Aids

I paid a visit to Westerham last weekend, a quaint little village in Kent not far from Bromley. Whenever I'm going somewhere for the first time I do what every self-respecting beer nerd with a internt connection does – look up what the best pubs are in the area at beerintheevening.com (or BITE.) It's true that the people who leave comments on there prefer a certain type of pub – the more old fashioned, quiet and devoid of anyone under 30 it is the better. Except for pubs in London where all that matters is that the pub serves a ridiculous amount of ale and that there is nobody there in a suit. God help you if you're a landlord and your pub plays loud music, has bright lights or a chav accidentally wanders in and orders a Fosters while a BITE user is there – that's an immediate 1.5/10 score and your pub shunned by beard wielding ale geeks forever.

To be honest all review websites are generally a bit of a minefield, as the majority of reviewers are schizophrenic nutjobs who only award one or five stars to everything. TripAdvisor reviewers are usually the worst, generally consisting of complaining Americas with reviews along the lines of “the room was fabulous, the scenery amazing, the food fantastic but the bell hop handed my bag to me using his right hand which is of course terribly offensive and rude ONE STAR.” In fact some reviewers are so bad Channel 4 did a documentary about TripAdvisor, with tales of downtrodden hotel landlords having to close down their business because of some bonkers reviewer starting a hate campaign because "the toilet flush only lasted five seconds, completely inadequate to clear the enormous turd I'd deposited in there and causing great embarrassment to me and my miserable frigid wife ONE STAR."

I am the destroyer of meats and the creator
of dinners.

But I digress. I've passed through Westerham a few times and there were a couple of pubs that looked nice, and BITE agreed that they were worth visiting. The first stop for me and The Lovely Jemma was the General Wolfe, which is a few minutes walk away from the village centre. Before going there we first had to drag ourselves away from the village cookery shop. Every time I go into a cookery shop I want to buy everything in there. The ridiculous novelty salt and pepper pots no doubt shaped like barnyard animals. The hilarious range of whisks and cutlery no doubt shaped like barnyard animals. And the Kitchen Aids, monstrous blenders from America that could quite easily destroy some barnyard animals. The main reason I would ever consider getting married is so I can put a Kitchen Aid on the wedding list. And a Playstation 3. If I'm going to commit to something for such a long length of time I might as well enjoy myself.

The Gangly Ghoul. Yummy. And spooky.
Yooky, if you will. Or Summy.

Walking into the General Wolfe we were greeted by the landlord, one punter and a trio of dogs. The punter and two of the dogs promptly left leaving just me and TLJ as the only customers left in the pub. The landlord turned out to be a lovely bloke and with the log fire burning away and the pub dog scampering about it was a pleasant atmosphere. The pub is tied with Greene King and the seasonal Gangly Ghoul was on offer. This dark bitter was in top condition and was an excellent pint. The landlord also had a Cains ale on tap but he wasn't going to serve it until the evening when it was ready. A shame as I love a Cains ale and you rarely see them in the South but good on him for not serving it until he was happy it was ready. We tucked into a tasty lunch as locals stopped by for a quick pint. As we were leaving a few regulars were at the bar creating a buzzy atmosphere. A very pleasant pub and I look forward to going back.

We also stopped into the Grasshopper on the Green, a large multi room pub slap bang in the centre of the village, next to the green funnily enough. This was a food orientated pub but they were quite happy for people to just have a drink. Unlike some foody pubs we were even allowed to sit at a table despite not ordering food! There wasn't even a customary evil glare from the staff. I felt truly honoured. They have a ale specially made for them by the local Westerham Brewery. Sadly I've forgotten what is was called but it wasn't a particulary nice pint, which was a shame. The pub was pleasant enough, with a lovely fire burning and the regulars were having a grand old time.

Overall it was a very pleasant afternoon, and the General Wolfe is well worth stopping in to if you're near by.

Hello! I'm the chap who writes the image captions for this blog. If you're reading this, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SEND HELP. Dave has broken both my knees now and won't let me leave the house. Many thanks.