Brains Craft Brewery

This "craft beer" movement that you may have read about on the internet and the newspapers is a funny thing. I still don't think anybody really knows what craft beer is but as long as decent ales keep appearing I'm happy for the movement to continue. Some of the more established breweries have noticed that there's money to be made with this weird craft thing and more and more beers are now suddenly "crafted" by brewers. I find this pretty patronising mainly because it's obvious beer is crafted unless they've previously been digging beer out the ground or just cut open a tree and wait for the ale to spill out? But I guess if the breweries think they sell a few more bottles by slapping "craft " on the label then fair game to them.

One brewery that has embraced the craft movement further than just re-badging existing beers with a craft label is Brains. This Welsh outfit have started a new brand of beers from the Brains "Craft Brewery." They've got some beer writers and other non brewers in the beer world to help out with creating the ales. Now I'm sure these guys are excellent at tasting and reviewing beers but whether they know how to produce a decent one themselves is open to debate. I know if I was given the chance to make a beer it would probably end up being a horrific failure with an initial hoppy flavour leading to vomiting, paralysis and eventually death. That's why I stick to writing about beer rather than making it, and even the writing I'm not great at seeing as I completely failed to produce any new content last Sunday.

The Brains Craft Brewery beers were available in Tesco on a 4 for £6 offer so I thought it rude not to give them a try. I could tell they were craft beers immediately as they had trendy labels and were in kid sized 330ml bottles. First up was Barry Island IPA, labelled on the bottle as an American Style IPA and a collaboration with "YouTube real ale reviewer extraordinaire" Simon Martin. True to the description this was a hoppy, boozy drink. It was a good attempt at recreating the highly hopped, Lagunitas style IPA. Recommended.

The other brew I tried was the Boilermaker. According to the Brains website this is a collaboration with "Ben and Tom from Thinking Drinkers." I have no idea who they are but according to their website they are trying to "revive the lost art of discerning drinking." A bold aim but this beer isn't going to help their cause. Despite the label promising vanilla notes and a whisky finish, I could taste neither. Instead it was a rather muddy IPA flavour, nothing outstanding and nowhere near as pleasant as the Barry Island IPA. A shame as this beer sounded the more exciting of the two but it just didn't deliver on what was promised.

It's good to see Brains trying something different and getting the beer blogging community involved. More experimentation in the brewing industry is always welcome and who knows what winning formula they may hit upon. But some experiments shouldn't be released into the wild and while the Barry Island was definitely ready for release I think the Boilermaker could have done with a bit more work before being sold to the public. It's not the first craft beer I've tried that wasn't ready for public consumption, and luckily thanks to Tesco's deal it wasn't so much of a costly mistake to me as some other craft beers have been. Overall though I look forward to trying more beers from the Brains Craft Brewery.

Beer festivals a go go - CAMRA Great British Beer Festival 2013 and Woodies, New Malden

Last week was a good time for drinking copious amounts of ale. First up was a visit to the CAMRA Great British Beer Festival 2013. This is the second time I've visited the festival at Olympia, and it's a much more pleasant space than its former home at the dark, dank Earl Courts. The light airy building is very welcoming and the lay out this year was great, with the bars spaced out nicely and avoiding the cramped conditions that build up as the day goes on. The only downside is that there never seems to be enough seating, and as I get older and creakier this is getting more important for me. To be fair most of the patrons who did grab a seat were probably way past creaking territory and were approaching snapping and cracking, but it would have been nice to have more places to rest my tired feet and beery head.

The only picture I took at the festival and it's not even indoors. Useless.

The Championship beer of Britain, announced at the festival, was the 1872 Porter from the Elland brewery. I managed to grab a sample and although it's a very solid porter, with a great malt start and a fruity finish, it felt a bit of a safe bet for a championship beer. With so many exciting breweries and beers appearing over the past couple of years, it's surprising that CAMRA claim that the best ale of the year is something that feels decidedly old fashioned. Maybe CAMRA are rebelling against the craft ale scene with this choice or maybe there's no agenda at all. Who knows?! Certainly not me. Not going to stop me from blogging about it though.

As usual there was an excellent selection of ales on offer and I sampled a fair few of them. Highlights included the Chocolate and Vanilla Stout from Titanic which was an excellent ale, with a wonderful sweet aroma leading to a perfect balance of sweetness and burnt hops.The Triple Chocoholic from Saltaire was another winner, with wonderful, subtle chocolate flavours and a good, long dry finish. Fine stuff all round. The American section was very busy, as it has been at past festivals, and by the time I got there there wasn't a lot of choice left. I tried a half of the Snake Dog IPA from Flying Dog which was a very solid American pale with strong hoppy flavours, but like a lot of American beers it was very boozy (7.3%) - almost unnecessarily so.

There were a couple of duffers. Sharp's Own from Sharps was a rather insipid effort at a golden ale, with a rather limp and watery taste that all beers from InBev seem to suffer from these days. It was still passable, and nothing like the horror of A-pork-alypse from Brains. A porter with bacon flavour added, it tasted exactly like taking a sip of a sub standard porter and then shoving bacon fries into your gob while still swallowing your booze. It wasn't completely horrible and after one sip I didn't start vomiting all over the floor while CAMRA stewards desperately threw sand on the floor in an effort to soak up my technicolour stream, but it wasn't a very pleasurable ale. Much like casting Ashton Kutcher as Steve Jobs, it was a brave but ultimately stupid effort.

Despite a couple of iffy beers I had a great time at the festival and it's probably the best one I've been to in the last six years or so. The food on offer was tremendous and I managed to get through a pork pie, scotch egg, wild boar burger, pork scratchings and seafood medley. In case you're wondering I didn't eat it all at the same time, had I done so I think I would have tested the very limits of how much vomit one man can produce.

The crazy decor at Woodies.

On Saturday I paid a visit to another beer festival, this time at Woodies in New Malden in SW London. Woodies is a former sports hall turned into a pub. Walking in you're bombarded with sports memorabilia everywhere, plastered on the floor, walls and ceiling. There's also a lot of funeral programmes (presumably of patrons past) dotted about, which seemed a bit morbid. Overall though it's all very eclectic and there was a jolly atmosphere. There were plenty of tasty ales on offer. Park Life from Windsor and Eton was a good start, a light hoppy session beer that I would be quite happy to drink all day. 80 Shilling from Dark Star was a fine attempt at a dark Scottish ale, with a strong malty flavour and undertones of orange peel. Good stuff.

The American Pale Ale by Clarence & Fredericks is probably one of the best things to come out of Croydon, where the brewers are based. Good hoppy flavours and floral notes made this a solid attempt at a pale ale. Frankly I was amazed the beer made it to the festival at all and the delivery wasn't hijacked by a gang of Croydon's drug fuelled crazies, or some bored kids. Finally, Good Health from Goody Ales was a solid golden ale sporting a nice dry finish, and a slight hint of Tim Brooke-Taylor.

A petting zoo was there for the day so I got to laugh at some sheep, ducks and goats, the primary reason for the existence of any petting zoo. I gave a wide berth to the geese though as I didn't fancy running, screaming, beers in hand, being chased by the orange beaked, beady eyed, honking bastards as they try to nip my legs into pieces one peck at a time. The day was further sullied by the arrival of my least favourite amateur paganists, the hated and sinister Morris Dancers. Thankfully this troupe, although enthusiastic, weren't very good, so I was pretty sure their bizarre ritual wasn't going to resurrect any ancient Pagan Gods this time.

My camera spontaneously combusted shortly after this photo was taken.

I had a great time in Woodies despite the Morris Dancers and if it wasn't located in what appeared to be the Twilight Zone I'd make more regular visits there. If you happen to be in the New Malden area it's well worth stopping by the place for a drink or five.

Next update will be the conclusion of my jaunt around Preston. I've also made a recent visit to Bath which I'll no doubt be blabbering on about. See you soon!

Park Tavern and Bankers Draft, Eltham

I've now been in South East London near the Eltham area for three months. Living down here has its advantages - it's affordable, fairly safe and it's near the M25 for a quick escape. There is one glaring problem though - a lack of decent pubs. Most of the pubs in the area aren't particularly appealing, with the "eclectic" customers mainly sticking to lager or Blue WKD, from what I can tell when I hurriedly walk past the pubs desperately trying to avoid eye contact. Sometimes they're drinking both, resulting in them leaning against a lamppost puking up liquid that's the colour of every Skittle mixed together. As a skinny, white, and slightly snobbish gentleman of 31 years old, I don't really want to drink in these places in fear of my face being punched or glassed in.

However there is one nugget I've found in this sea of crap. One pub trying to turn the tide of sub-par pubs in Eltham is the Park Tavern. This little boozer just off the high street is a welcome respite from the grim lager dispensing pubs/cattle markets, including the Old Post Office just across the road. Walking into this small, narrow pub I was warmed with the sight of several handpumps with a selection of tasty ales on offer. This is such a rare sight in Eltham that for a second I thought I had actually been glassed to death by one of the patrons of the Old Post Office and I was having a delirious hallucination while doctors frantically tried to save my life. I soon realised I was in fact still alive and firmly in reality when I was charged £3.75 for a pint of Rudgate Ruby Mild. There is no way I would charge myself that much for a pint in my dreams. The pint was very tasty though, in good condition and the subtle chocolate and mocha flavours coming through well.

Despite all the good things the Park Tavern had going for it, including a warm buzzy atmosphere, friendly staff and a very well kept pint of mild, I just found the prices to be too much for a pleasant local. I haven't returned since my first visit because if I'm going to pay high prices for beer I may as well do it in one of the many pubs in Central London after work, which offer a more exciting selection, rather than in the wilds of South East London. It's just too high a price to tempt me out for a couple of pints.

After my one and only visit to the Park Tavern I thought I may as well stop by the nearby Wetherspoons in Eltham before heading home. The Bankers Draft is tiny for a Wetherspoons, in fact it is rumoured to be their smallest outlet. A decent selection of ales were on offer and I went for the St Davids Ale from Brains. The beer was in OK nick, and it was stunningly cheap compared to the Park Tavern. But this is a odd Wetherspoons with many a "character" to be spotted. Despite the pub being very small, everybody was keeping to themselves and there wasn't much mixing amongst the clientèle. To be honest I felt this was a blessing and me and The Lovely Jemma were able to enjoy our drinks in relative peace without having to strike conversation with what appeared to be the local crazies.

Apart from these two pubs I haven't found anything nearby worth drinking. In fact since I moved to the area in February two pubs have closed down and one was nearly bought out by a local developer. Somebody please come to the Mottingham/Eltham borders and build a nice, welcoming pub with a decent selection of ales. You'll be guaranteed at least one customer! I'll probably stop by as well.

The Red Lion, Apples and Brains.

Last Friday I paid a visit to the Red Lion, a hostelry in-between Carnaby Street and Regent Street. If any non-Londoners are reading this, Carnaby Street is where confused tourists go to relive the swinging sixties scene of London before realising it's long gone and now just full of soulless chain shops and other confused and disappointed tourists. Regent Street has an Apple store. I once set foot in there. I was disappointed for two reasons. First of all, it doesn't sell apples. Secondly, when I asked a gurning chump arrogantly claiming to be a “Genius” if he could direct me to the Granny Smiths or the Golden Delicious if that's all they had he instead directed me to what appeared to be a overpriced novelty computer for children. When I politely pointed out that the mouse was clearly defective as it had a button missing he got visibly upset and asked me to leave.

The Red Lion is a Sam Smiths pub. As mentioned in previous posts I don't really trust Sam Smiths and their cheap beer. Well the ale is cheap – the lager and cider is now around £3 in London making it much the same as other places. I still haven't found the secret to their cheap ale but I believe the Sam Smiths brewery is located beneath a barbershop where the customers keep mysteriously disappearing. I opted for a pint of the Old Brewery Bitter which sadly was only available in keg. It tasted fine with the usual creamy, slightly nutty flavour that accompanies this perfectly functional pint. At £2.11 you can't really complain, although that is steep for Sam Smiths. I once had a pint in Blackpool for £1.30 – and that was last year, not eighties prices! Although you can't accurately tell what decade it is in Blackpool.

A Sam Smith (thanks Google)

The pub was astonishingly busy but as it's a cheap pint in Soho that was to be expected. There are three bars and the staff were coping fairly well although they were a little bit slow. The barmaid was quite attractive though so I forgave her tardiness, which I'm sure she was grateful for. Sadly the rumours of the Alpine Lager disappearing from Sam Smiths pub appears to be true and only the Taddy Lager was available. This is probably a good thing as the Alpine Lager was so named for making whoever drank it shit themselves – much like when looking at a black run in the Alps. A tenuous link but one that is strangely appropriate.

Over the weekend I made the obligatory stop into the Wetherspoons Victoria Station with The Lovely Jemma to try some more of their festival ales, and use up my CAMRA vouchers. The Titanic “Fit Out” was a very tasty bitter from the ever reliable Titanic brewery. This pleasant golden ale has been brewed specifically for the festival and worth a pint if you spot it. I also enjoyed a rather good pint of the Brains “SA Dark.” This pint is a bit odd as the initial flavour is of absolutely nothing. This gives you time to contemplate the universe and your place in it. Then a rather pleasant chocolate flavour comes through and a satisfying dry finish. Another good one to try if you spot it, although the ale festival finishes on the 23^rd October so best make it quick.

Apologies for the lack of the pictures in this update, as I'm useless and forgot to take any. You'll be pleased to know my next update is about some charming pubs in Brighton where again I forgot to take pictures. Sorry.