Park Tavern and Bankers Draft, Eltham

I've now been in South East London near the Eltham area for three months. Living down here has its advantages - it's affordable, fairly safe and it's near the M25 for a quick escape. There is one glaring problem though - a lack of decent pubs. Most of the pubs in the area aren't particularly appealing, with the "eclectic" customers mainly sticking to lager or Blue WKD, from what I can tell when I hurriedly walk past the pubs desperately trying to avoid eye contact. Sometimes they're drinking both, resulting in them leaning against a lamppost puking up liquid that's the colour of every Skittle mixed together. As a skinny, white, and slightly snobbish gentleman of 31 years old, I don't really want to drink in these places in fear of my face being punched or glassed in.

However there is one nugget I've found in this sea of crap. One pub trying to turn the tide of sub-par pubs in Eltham is the Park Tavern. This little boozer just off the high street is a welcome respite from the grim lager dispensing pubs/cattle markets, including the Old Post Office just across the road. Walking into this small, narrow pub I was warmed with the sight of several handpumps with a selection of tasty ales on offer. This is such a rare sight in Eltham that for a second I thought I had actually been glassed to death by one of the patrons of the Old Post Office and I was having a delirious hallucination while doctors frantically tried to save my life. I soon realised I was in fact still alive and firmly in reality when I was charged £3.75 for a pint of Rudgate Ruby Mild. There is no way I would charge myself that much for a pint in my dreams. The pint was very tasty though, in good condition and the subtle chocolate and mocha flavours coming through well.

Despite all the good things the Park Tavern had going for it, including a warm buzzy atmosphere, friendly staff and a very well kept pint of mild, I just found the prices to be too much for a pleasant local. I haven't returned since my first visit because if I'm going to pay high prices for beer I may as well do it in one of the many pubs in Central London after work, which offer a more exciting selection, rather than in the wilds of South East London. It's just too high a price to tempt me out for a couple of pints.

After my one and only visit to the Park Tavern I thought I may as well stop by the nearby Wetherspoons in Eltham before heading home. The Bankers Draft is tiny for a Wetherspoons, in fact it is rumoured to be their smallest outlet. A decent selection of ales were on offer and I went for the St Davids Ale from Brains. The beer was in OK nick, and it was stunningly cheap compared to the Park Tavern. But this is a odd Wetherspoons with many a "character" to be spotted. Despite the pub being very small, everybody was keeping to themselves and there wasn't much mixing amongst the clientèle. To be honest I felt this was a blessing and me and The Lovely Jemma were able to enjoy our drinks in relative peace without having to strike conversation with what appeared to be the local crazies.

Apart from these two pubs I haven't found anything nearby worth drinking. In fact since I moved to the area in February two pubs have closed down and one was nearly bought out by a local developer. Somebody please come to the Mottingham/Eltham borders and build a nice, welcoming pub with a decent selection of ales. You'll be guaranteed at least one customer! I'll probably stop by as well.

Whitstable and Herne Bay Part Two

I wasn't too sad to leave Herne Bay and head back to Whitstable to continue my ale jaunt by the sea. Seaside resorts are never much fun in the off season and Herne Bay was no exception, with shuttered arcades, rusting Ice Cream signs swaying in the wind and bored kids skateboarding over a Victorian bandstand. Thankfully the buses in the Herne/Whistable area are pretty frequent - presumably everyone is as desperate to get out of there as I was.

As the bus trundled into Whistable I alighted near the harbour and ventured in, where I treated myself to a bowl of mussels, cockles and whelks. Very tasty, and even though it was now approaching 3pm they tasted fresh and juicy. I headed on down with my seafood bounty to the Pearsons Arms, or as it says on their website, The Pearsons Arms by Richard Philips. Presumably Mr Philips built the pub from scratch himself using his bare hands and determination. Richard Philips is a celebrity chef although I've never heard of him, although to be fair I haven't heard of a lot of people who claim to be celebrities these days. His pub was rather nice - an airy, relaxing space and the classiest pub of the ones I visited on the day, but this class also meant it was the most expensive. There was a solid selection of ales on offer. I went for the Whistable Brewery East India Pale, because being in Whistable I felt I was obliged too. This was oddly disappointing, a rather flaccid, watery brew with underwhelming flavours. Luckily it was only a half as I was getting pretty tipsy by this point of the day. To go with the ale I had a Black Pudding Scotch Egg from the tempting bar snack menu which was absolutely delicious. The Scotch Egg that is, not the menu, I was drunk enough yet to start eating paper and card.

I also opted for a half of the Gadds' Number 7, another pale ale and a much better show than the Whistable Brewery offering. Light and refreshing, with good hoppy flavours, this was a perfectly serviceable brew. The pub was quiet while I was there but the lone barman was happy to serve and very efficient. The restaurant upstairs looked like it served a nice selection of food, which I'll be sure to try if I ever make it back here.

Staggering onwards, I popped into the Ship Centurion, a much more old fashioned, traditional boozer than the Pearsons.  Straight forward wooden tables, chairs and floor was the order of the day here. The place was lively as the after work drinks crew were stopping in for a quick drink. I enjoyed a pint of the Elgood Black Dog Mild, a solid example of a mild with decent chocolate and coffee flavours, which I always find enjoyable. I parked myself into a corner and enjoyed the banter and ambiance. This welcoming pub seemed to be serving its purpose as a community boozer well. Good beer, good chat and a friendly atmosphere - what more could you ask for?

The final stop was the The Peter Cushing, a rather imposing Wetherspoons pub which has been converted from a cinema, and the only pub I visited which wasn't in the Good Beer Guide. But I had a bit of time to kill before catching the train home, and a bit of change in my pocket, so why not pay a visit? This big, vast establishment had the least charm of the pubs I had visited on my ale trail but the beer was on good form. I gave the Whitstable Brewery a second chance and tried the Kentish Reserve, a best bitter which was much better than the pale ale. It wasn't spectacular but it got the job done with a pleasant bitter finish. The interior of the pub was impressive, as you would expect from a converted cinema, with large pictures of Sir Cushing behind the bar. But this was a cold, soulless place with the usual Wetherspoon trappings of crammed together tables and some rather "undesirable" customers - I think one of them may have had a tattoo. With the other pubs on offer in Whitstable there's not much reason to come here unless you're after a cheap pint or Jaegarbomb. 

My journey at a end it was back on the train and back down to South London. I enjoyed my day out and I felt all the pubs, except perhaps the Prince of Wales, were worthy of their place in the Good Beer Guide. The Butchers Arms was something special though, and if I was a braver man I would consider opening a micropub myself. But I think instead I will just settle on visiting micropubs instead and writing pithy remarks about them online - it's just as noble!

To make up for the lack of pictures in this blog post here's a sketch of an indecisive pony in a cheese and ham shop mulling over his purchase while a crocodile tries to help, as drawn by The Lovely Jemma. Enjoy!

Whitstable and Herne Bay Part One

I'd somehow managed to have around 15 days annual leave leftover by the start of March this year. I was therefore forced into booking time off by the HR department as part of some "wellbeing" initiative. Taking time home on a weekday when I'm not going anywhere on holiday is never much fun as everybody I know is stuck at work so I just end up sitting at home watching crap TV and playing a tremendous amount of video games. I decided this time I would do an ale trail day trip to get me away from Call of Duty and Jeremy Kyle. Now that I'm living on the Kent borders I thought I'd see what the South East has to offer. The Lovely Jemma suggested I visit Whistable, partly because it's nice and partly because she's been there a few times and wouldn't feel like she's missing out by not visiting with me. A quick glance at the Good Beer Guide revealed there were a few decent pubs there and in neighbouring Herne Bay, so the decision was made to pay a visit.

After arriving at Whitstable train station I immediately hopped onto a bus and headed over to Herne, a small village about a 15 minute bus ride from Herne Bay. I'd forgotten just how expensive buses are outside of London, and grudgingly handed over the £6 for a one day bus pass. For that amount of money I expect gold plated seats and a relaxing massage while I travel, but alas it was just a boring journey on a plain bus. My reason for visiting Herne was to pay a visit to The Butchers Arms, a pub which has gained famed for being the first "micropub" when it opened in 2005. The landlord, Martin, took advantage of a change of licensing laws and converted a small former butchers into a den of real ale and banter. There's a no mobile phone policy which is why I haven't taken any pictures of the place. Although to be honest I probably would of forgotten to take pictures anyway.

Entering the pub at 12pm, I was the only customer and it stayed that way for a good hour. But it didn't matter as Martin was a very friendly and accommodating host, even though he had gout so he wasn't able to head back into the former butchers "cold room" to pour the beer. Luckily his lovely assistant poured the ales for me. A blackboard behind the tiny "bar" showed that there were four ales on offer although it looked like there was room for about six ales in the cold room.  The cold room must have magical properties as it managed to make Adnams Broadside taste great, with raisin notes I never knew existed coming through perfectly. Hopdaemon Incubus was a bit special, a very refreshing best bitter that got everything right. Lovely bitter finish, slightly sweet, with fruity and caramel undertones. Very good indeed. Finally The Ripple Steam Brewery IPA, which was marked just as IPA on the blackboard, causing Martin to curse his assistant under his breath, was the weakest of the bunch. Almost grassy flavours were coming through, and although there was a hint of fruitiness the overall flavour was disappointing to me. The final beer on offer was Dark Star Hophead, which is apparently the "regular" beer. I didn't sample it but I'm sure it was delicious as always.

The lunchtime hours are stated as 12pm - 1:30pm. I was the only person in there from 12pm - 1pm, but a couple of locals came in towards the end and there was some pleasurable banter. I can imagine this place being quite lively and a bit of fun with a few people in, as even just the six of us was enough to get a decent atmosphere going. There's no denying this is a very "blokey" place, with a sign on the toilet door asking patrons to leave the toilet seat up, and a couple of bottles of white wine in the cold room in case it's requested by a confused wife or girlfriend. This may rub some people the wrong way, but I liked the honesty of the place - it's Martins gaff and he'll run it how he wants (which is generally very well indeed) and if you don't like it there's a Shepherd Neame pub just across the road. I had a thoroughly pleasurable visit and I can't wait to go back.

If it's on a sign it must be true!

It saddened me to leave the Butchers Arms but more pubs awaited so it was on to a bus to nearby Fordwich, which claims to be England's smallest town. Clearly they like a drink as it's blessed with two pubs but I only had time to pop into the Fordwich Arms. I probably lowered the average patron age by around 40 years when I walked in and the elderly clientèle did make me think I'd walked into the local WI meeting by mistake but I soon settled in. This is a very well presented pub both inside and out, with a glorious fireplace, and probably the most tasteful decorating I've seen in a traditional pub. Naturally I forgot to take pictures, and to be honest I thought I'd scare most of the customers with my modern technology, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

The Fordwich Arms. Nice inside and out.

Most of the patrons were there to enjoy lunch which looked very good indeed. Sadly the ale selection didn't have quite as much effort put into it as the decor and the food and I ended up having a rather disappointing half of Flowers Original, a beer as old as time and it tasted like it. After the varied beers at the Butchers Arms this was a thudding return to the bad old days of the "warm, flat brown water" stereotype that ale still sometimes suffers from. However the pub was so nice that I was happy to spend 30 minutes in there quaffing this bland, lifeless beer. Again this was another pub I'd be happy to return to, probably more for a bite to eat than for a beer on it's own.

The final pub in the Herne area was the Prince of Wales in Herne Bay. 3pm on a Wednesday during the off season at a seaside resort is never going to be the most lively time for a pub but walking into here was like walking into a morgue. A couple of punters sat dreary eyed at the bar, like real life Barney Gumbles from The Simpsons. I plumped for a pint of Early Bird from Shephered Neame, one of their seasonal beers which I hadn't tried before. Sadly it ended up being the most boring beer of the day, completely lifeless with precious little flavour to it. A dreary beer for a dreary pub. The pub is large which doesn't help the atmosphere when nobody is in. A large games room in the back look promising, and I imagine with a few in this is could be quite a good boozer. However as I found Herne Bay itself entirely underwhelming I don't think I'll be able to give this pub a second chance any time soon.

That's it for now, I'll be detailing the pubs I visited in Whistable in a further blog post. I know you can't wait and quite frankly I don't blame you. Have a great Easter.