Wednesday 16 November 2011

Soapbox, Richmal Compton, Orphans

If there's one thing UK government don't seem to like it's seeing the general populace having fun. You can't even swing innocently on a cenotaph these days without getting banged up for sixteen months before pissing off early after four. Admittedly I, like Charlie "Brown" Gilmour, didn't know what a cenotaph was either until I saw a picture of one in the paper. I had just assumed he was caught swinging off a mythical beast with a horses body and a human head.

One way the government is cracking down on fun is by interfering with the beer industry. The government has recently announced tax concessions on any beers brewed at 2.8% ABV and below. Everything above 2.8 is still getting taxed at a ridiculously high rate and prices will only go up in the future. I cannot see the point of a 2.8% beer. Most people drink alcoholic drinks because they want to get a bit drunk. There's a reason they've chosen a beer and not a coke or a cup of tea. A 2.8% beer isn't going to do much for most folk. I find it sad that our government must think that if the public drink anything stronger than 2.8% they will immediately turn into yobbish, terrifying buffoons running through the streets destroying everything and everybody in sight. The reality is the majority of pissed people will either shout or giggle hysterically for a little while before falling asleep.

Of course the taxes don't affect the MPs themselves who have refused to get rid of the subsidised bars in the House of Commons. Even if they did shut down the bars there's a Sam Smiths just across Parliament Square which will take care of their cheap booze needs. I still don't trust Sam Smiths beer and can only assume it's so cheap because it's made from the tears of exploited orphans.* Incidentally I once went to the pub with some orphans. They asked me to get them something they've never had before, so I got them a round of Fosters. They weren't amused.

Thanks to taxes and London being a generally expensive place to live the average price for a pint is now pushing the £4 boundary. Therefore last Sunday I was pleased to walk into the Richmal Compton in Bromley. I'm not usually pleased to walk into this dreary Lloyds No. 1 bar as it attracts the usual Wetherspoons old man crowd during the day and the usual terrifying orange skinned crowd of "ladies of a certain age" in the evening. The certain age being around 35 to past it. However on this Sunday evening all ales were £1.50. That's one in the eye for David Cameron and that sinister Vince Cable bloke. I enjoyed a fine pint of the Burton Bridge Brewery "Knot Brown Ale" a tasty brew with a faint chocolate taste and pleasant hoppy aftertaste. I then went for a pint the "Red Nectar Ale" brewed specially for Wetherspoons by the American Firestone Walker brewery via Shepherd Neame. I didn't enjoy this brew as much, which had a slightly spicy taste which I didn't find to be very pleasurable.

After enjoying two pints of ale, both above 2.8% for the princely sum of £3, I immediately went outside and stole a bulldozer before running over 20 old ladies and a dog, urinating and laughing as I went. Guess the government was right after all!

You may have noticed that there are no photos in this blog entry. I'll leave it up to you to decide why.

*If anybody from Sam Smiths is reading this - this is parody please don't sue me for libel.

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