Birmingham - Part One

Me and The Lovely Jemma were in Birmingham last weekend. It's been a long time since I was last there, and my only memories from my last visit was the terrifying shopping experience of the Bullring and walking around for nearly 90 minutes trying to find the Birmingham Academy to see some "up and coming" local bands attempt to win some award. As is the case with any "faces of the future" competitions I attend none of these bands went on to future success.

The first thing I noticed after getting off the train was that Brum seems to be taking a page out of nearby Coventry's book and is knocking everything down and starting again, although Birmingham hasn't had a helping hand from the Nazis in the demolition.. The area around New Street station in particular is awash with building sites, and although I'm sure it will all look great when it's finished it's a bit of a mess at the moment.

I wasn't going to let the sound of drilling, mixing and sweary builders get me down though. Two minutes walk from Birmingham New Street is the Post Office Vaults, our first stop on a mini ale trail I'd devised. Things got off to a good start when the blackboard advertising the pub just had "beer" written on it over and over again, like the insane ramblings of a pissed up madman. Inside the place is nothing remarkable. They haven't really disguised the fact that it is a former post office vault but there are a couple of minor attempts at decoration with some empty beer bottles along the walls and hops hanging from the ceiling. Free Wi-Fi was avaialble courtesy of the Greggs bakery next door. I'm not sure why Greggs even has wi-fi as I imagine most patrons want to get away from the stench of stale pastry and hot fat as quickly as possible so they can gobble down their overpriced and not very good sausage rolls, but there you go.

A small serving area belies the tremendous amount of drink on offer, including a fine selection of foreign beers. Naturally I avoided these as I have no idea about beers from abroad except for some Belgium Trappist offerings and a smattering of American beers. I couldn't find a beer menu to help guide me through the bottles so instead I went for a selection from their cask ales. Hobsons Mild was nothing special but a decent sup, getting correct all the elements of a mild with a slight chocolate and mocha flavour but not attempting to push the boundaries. Rat Brewery's The Rat of Khan was much better. A hoppy treat with nice floral flavours but not overpowering. Really terrible name for a beer though.

The Lovely Jemma requested a cider and I asked the friendly barman what was on offer. "We have a sparkling cider on draught" replied the friendly barman. "Oh" I replied, a bit disappointed and thinking they don't really care about cider here. "Oh and there's the twelve ciders here" he remarked as he moved out the way revealing a cannily placed blackboard listing the ciders on offer. I then noticed all the certificates from CAMRA lining the walls awarding their real cider selection. Clearly this is a place that cares about the disgusting boozy apple drink so well worth popping in if you're demented and like cider.

Next on the list was the Wellington, affectionately known as "The Wellie" according to the Good Beer Guide and "The Welly" according to Twitter. Next to the large serving area there was a plasma screen listing the beers, and a message politely asking patrons to order by pump number. The beer I wanted to try was second on the list and I decided to order it by name, because I would have found it weird and even a bit unpleasant asking the barman to provide me with "a pint of number two please."

I opted for the Black Country Ales BFG and me and TLJ departed upstairs to enjoy our booze. There was a collection of games including both Jenga and a knock off "stacking wooden blocks game" stashed in the corner looking unloved so we opted for a game of chess. While I was loosing horribly I couldn't help but think that the upstairs of the pub had a vibe that reminded me of The Harp in London, but on a larger scale. Good ale selection, mix of young and old clientèle, and similar traditional furnishing. The pint of BFG was great, and kept in good condition. Overall this was a lovely place, but as a Pub of the Year winner I wasn't wowed by it the same way as other winners have done.

The final pub of the evening was The Briar Rose, a Wetherspoons which I thought was in the Good Beer Guide but turns out it's not - the one in the guide was across town. Still it was OK in here, and it provided the basic Spoons function of providing a pint and a quick meal. It even goes one step further and offers rooms to sleep in as this is a Wetherspoons Lodge. The ale selection was pretty decent and the Titanic Full Steam Ahead was in good nick. My steak and kidney pudding had been reheated professionally and promptly and went down a treat. As it was a Friday night the bar was packed but the place is massive and we managed to snag a table at the back. It was a low key end to a pleasant if low key mini pub crawl.

Next week I'll be talking about the Prince of Wales in the "upmarket" (for Birmingham) suburb of Moseley and The Old Contemptibles back in the town centre. I also had the pleasure of visiting the Cronx Brewery open day this weekend so I'll probably write a few words about that. There will even be pictures! That's something to look forward to.

A return to two old favourites

BrewDog Camden continues to impress.

Sadly I haven't been visiting too many new places recently. In fact I haven't really been visiting any boozers at all in the past couple of weeks. The pressures of work have meant that rather than going out for a nice pint I've been heading home to cry myself to sleep. I haven't written off pubs completely and have had the chance to visit a couple of pubs - one a old favourite and one that is rapidly becoming a new favourite of mine.

The Harp is a pereninal favourite in Covent Garden, an ale oasis in a area filled with expensive, soulless bars packed to the rafters with confused tourists and twats. The place is tiny which means it always seems full of happy punters, even when it's not actually that busy. A visit last weekend led me to have a tremendous pint of the Titanic "Nautical Mild." I love a good mild and this was one of the better examples I've had. A lovely, bitter coffee taste comes through with just the right amount of chocolate undertones. A fine effort. I also enjoyed a pint of Thornbridge "Lord Marple" a solid example of a traditional bitter. Very suppable. The problem I have with Thornbridge brews is that none of them match the mighty Kipling, which is probably the best ale I've ever sampled. Still the Lord Marple was excellent and well worth a pint or three.

The food at BrewDog. I highly recommend
the burgers.

I also paid a visit to the BrewDog Camden, which continues to impress. The wanky and pretentious scribblings are still on the walls but the friendly staff, great ambience and excellent beers make up for it. The food is still top notch and I enjoyed a great cheeseburger. This place is really settling in well and a pint of 5am Saint made for a great start to the evening. This red ale is a pleasure to drink with a pleasent bitter aftertaste. The Punk IPA was also in great form, a well hopped and fruity brew seems to taste better in draught form. The prices are expensive and penalise drinkers who don't fancy a lower strength beer as they all cost £3.95 upwards for a pint regardless of strength. This bar isn't the kind of place to have a session but it does make a great place for a few warm up drinks before moving on to the expensive shitholes that Camden has to offer.

Cameron != Churchill

One pub I've been visiting recently that I think that deserves a special mention is the Wetherspoons in Victoria Station. I usually end up here when I'm sending The Lovely Jemma back to leafy Bromley and I must admit that even though I'm dreadfully sad that TLJ has to head back, I do look forward to having a nice pint in there. This pub will never become a "favourite" as the ambience is pretty miserable and it's based in one of the more soulless London stations. However I've been impressed with the ale selection and quality over the past few weeks.  Well worth a visit if you happen to be in the station. Please rest assured I haven't sold out to Wetherspoons by the way. To prove this I'd like to say that I still think Wetherspoons founder Tim Martin is a loopy bastard although he has fabulous hair, and that Wetherspoons unique "Veto Ale" makes me feel slightly ill without me even tasting it thanks to the picture of David Cameron being compared to Winston Churchill on the clip. Terrifying.

Just look at those flowing locks. Amazing.

The Red Lion, Apples and Brains.

Last Friday I paid a visit to the Red Lion, a hostelry in-between Carnaby Street and Regent Street. If any non-Londoners are reading this, Carnaby Street is where confused tourists go to relive the swinging sixties scene of London before realising it's long gone and now just full of soulless chain shops and other confused and disappointed tourists. Regent Street has an Apple store. I once set foot in there. I was disappointed for two reasons. First of all, it doesn't sell apples. Secondly, when I asked a gurning chump arrogantly claiming to be a “Genius” if he could direct me to the Granny Smiths or the Golden Delicious if that's all they had he instead directed me to what appeared to be a overpriced novelty computer for children. When I politely pointed out that the mouse was clearly defective as it had a button missing he got visibly upset and asked me to leave.

The Red Lion is a Sam Smiths pub. As mentioned in previous posts I don't really trust Sam Smiths and their cheap beer. Well the ale is cheap – the lager and cider is now around £3 in London making it much the same as other places. I still haven't found the secret to their cheap ale but I believe the Sam Smiths brewery is located beneath a barbershop where the customers keep mysteriously disappearing. I opted for a pint of the Old Brewery Bitter which sadly was only available in keg. It tasted fine with the usual creamy, slightly nutty flavour that accompanies this perfectly functional pint. At £2.11 you can't really complain, although that is steep for Sam Smiths. I once had a pint in Blackpool for £1.30 – and that was last year, not eighties prices! Although you can't accurately tell what decade it is in Blackpool.

A Sam Smith (thanks Google)

The pub was astonishingly busy but as it's a cheap pint in Soho that was to be expected. There are three bars and the staff were coping fairly well although they were a little bit slow. The barmaid was quite attractive though so I forgave her tardiness, which I'm sure she was grateful for. Sadly the rumours of the Alpine Lager disappearing from Sam Smiths pub appears to be true and only the Taddy Lager was available. This is probably a good thing as the Alpine Lager was so named for making whoever drank it shit themselves – much like when looking at a black run in the Alps. A tenuous link but one that is strangely appropriate.

Over the weekend I made the obligatory stop into the Wetherspoons Victoria Station with The Lovely Jemma to try some more of their festival ales, and use up my CAMRA vouchers. The Titanic “Fit Out” was a very tasty bitter from the ever reliable Titanic brewery. This pleasant golden ale has been brewed specifically for the festival and worth a pint if you spot it. I also enjoyed a rather good pint of the Brains “SA Dark.” This pint is a bit odd as the initial flavour is of absolutely nothing. This gives you time to contemplate the universe and your place in it. Then a rather pleasant chocolate flavour comes through and a satisfying dry finish. Another good one to try if you spot it, although the ale festival finishes on the 23^rd October so best make it quick.

Apologies for the lack of the pictures in this update, as I'm useless and forgot to take any. You'll be pleased to know my next update is about some charming pubs in Brighton where again I forgot to take pictures. Sorry.

Wetherspoons-a-go-go

It was Benjamin Franklin who said “In this world nothing can be said to be certain except death, taxes and having a slightly shameful pint in a Wetherspoons.” The kite flying loony was correct and so it was I ended up in two Wetherspoons pubs over the past few days. 

Charming

Wetherspoons are a odd beast. They sound in theory the perfect pub – big spaces with plenty of ales fairly priced and cheap food. Unfortunately something gets lost in translation and most 'Spoons end up having all the personality of an aiport lounge. Especially the ones in airport lounges. The cheap beer means they can attract some “colourful” characters - mainly scary old men and scumbags. Still 'Spoons are good in an emergency and you're generally guaranteed an OK pint. The breakfasts are also pretty good as long as you don't look any of the other customers in the eye – the customers usually consisting of two old blokes nursing a whiskey at 10am and a tattooed bruiser on his fifth pint of Fosters.

Last Thursday I paid a visit to the Crosse Keys near Bank station which is considered a sort of flagship Wetherspoons. Granted “flagship” Wetherspoons probably means as much as a “flagship” Cash Converters but it was actually very pleasant. A former bank it's a massive open space with plenty of seating, huge marble columns and a bar in the middle with around 20 handpumps. Despite being in the city it was refreshingly free of wankers, and despite being a 'Spoons all the ales were on. I enjoyed a very tasty pint of Iceberg by the Titanic brewery. This refreshing hoppy ale is not always seen in London so it was a pleasure to have a decent pint of the stuff.

On Sunday The Lovely Jemma and I visited a newly opened 'Spoons in Bromley called The Greyhound, a rather pleasant pub with a large airy seating area in the back. I sampled two ales: The BOB by Wickwar and the Rutterkin by Brewster's. The BOB was suppable but not a standout. A golden brown ale the malty taste wasn't spectacular and the aftertaste was a little unpleasant to be fair. The Rutterkin was much nicer with a good citrus flavour coming through nicely.

As this was a new 'Spoons we had about five people in a row asking if we were being served. Not sure why as they were all in earshot of each other and must have heard me say “Yes I am” over and over again. Still at least they were keen. And as this new 'Spoons was in Bromley there was a argument at the bar as some kid tried his luck getting served before being kicked out. No doubt he wandered the streets of Bromley lost and confused before finding a bin where he could vandalise the “Gum” sign to read “Cum.”

Overall both pubs were a pleasant experience and had something missing from other 'Spoons – a bit of character. However one word of warning if you go to a 'Spoons – don't ever ask to look at the nutritional information guide of the food served. The Mixed Grill with a jacket potato is an amazing 1800 calories, and the Wetherspoons sharer is a heart destroying 2400 calories. Have one of those every day for a week and you'll never need eat again. Because you'll be dead.